


Fifteen Years

by LunaRowena



Series: Watcher Lillian [3]
Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: F/M, Godhammer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 10:09:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15705111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaRowena/pseuds/LunaRowena
Summary: "You should have seen it, Watcher. The fire streaming into the sky. The smell of gunpowder on the air. The death of a god.”





	Fifteen Years

**Author's Note:**

> For Pillars Prompts Weekly #0053: Anniversary

Lillian sighed as she tossed another hunk of meat to her wolf, Gideon. Their meeting with the ciphers of Hadret House could have gone better. It also could have gone worse, but Edér had no new information what happened to his brother other than that he was on the “wrong side” of the war. Now the group was holed up in the Charred Barrel in Brackenbury for the night. Well, most of them. Being in the middle of the city, Gideon and Itamuk were banished out to the stables, and even that took a good amount of gold for the innkeeper to overlook that a wolf and a fox were not standard pets.

“You keep sighing like that you’re going to let all the air out of your lungs,” said Sagani. The dwarven woman was looking over Itamuk. “I think someone needs a bath.”

Lillian tossed the last chunk of meat to Gideon, who gobbled it up greedily. “You’d think I never feed him.” She sighed again and turned to Sagani. “I should go check on Edér.”

“What he needs is time and space.”

“I left him at the bar with Durance and Kana. He’s getting neither. No, buddy, that was it,” she said to Gideon’s expectant face. “I just… I feel responsible and I feel like I should be doing… something.”

Sagani raised an eyebrow. “Is that because you think as a Watcher you should be shouldering the weight of Eora, some guilt from Readceras being on the opposite side of the war, or because you’re sweet on him?”

“My ma taught me to not tell lies, so I’m not going to answer that.” She rubbed Gideon’s ears. “Now I’m going to go inside now, buddy, but you have to stay here. Don’t look at me like that. I’ll be back in the morning. You coming in, Sagani?”

“After I get the blood out of Itamuk’s fur.” She shook her head. “Just don’t go poking any sleeping bears.”

“I try not to.”

Working her way into the inn and over to the bar, she found Durance and Edér sitting a stool apart and the rest of the clientèle giving them a wide berth. The party wasn’t the upscale guests the Charred Barrel usually saw. Our money’s just as good, though, Lillian thought pettily. She plopped down on the stool between Edér and Durance. “Kana go up to bed?

“Said something about a book. Him and Aloth.” Edér continued to stare into his drink.

Lillian opened her mouth to say something, but shut it again. Even outside, the conversations she had played in her head sounded trite. She ordered a whiskey and the three sat in silence with their drinks.

Finally, Durance pushed his drink back with a scowl. “Do you know what day it is, Watcher?”

“Sorry, did we forget your birthday?” Lillian had expected to get a smirk out of Edér, but instead he tightened his grip on his drink and glared at Durance. Whatever day it was, it apparently wasn’t good.

Ignoring her jest, Durance pounded his fist into the counter. “Fifteen years to the day we blasted Waidwen back to the Wheel.”

The Godhammer again. Lillian threw back her drink. “Forgive me if I don’t celebrate that.”

Durance’s eye twitched. “You refuse to acknowledge our victory? You should have seen it, Watcher. The fire streaming into the sky. The smell of gunpowder on the air. The death of a god.”

She grimaced. “And the deaths of your countrymen and mine.”

Durance shook his head, his stringy hair swishing back and forth. “It was a necessary sacrifice. For the salvation of us all.”

“Some salvation. The god of rebirth is dead and with him the souls of your children.”

“You think I don’t know this, Watcher? You think I don’t question what we did? What it lead to?” Picking up his staff from where it was leaning against the bar, he slowly caressed it. “We did what we had to do. If this is our punishment, then so be it. We followed the will of our goddess.”

“As the Readcerans followed the will of our god.”

Beside her, Edér winced slightly at that statement.

Durance spat on the floor. “Readceran. Eothasian. If you had come through these parts some years back, during the purges, well...” he gave a low chuckle. “We wouldn’t be having this conversation, now would we? In fact, still in some parts...”

“And that,” Lillian slammed her glass down, “is why I don’t go making a big show of it in these parts, do I? And this is a nice place, Durance, you can’t just spit on the floor.”

He did it again. “Tell me, Watcher, how can your loins burn for one that turned his back on your god, killed your countrymen? Your brother died in the war, how do you know he didn’t kill him? Or if not your brother, how many others’?”

Fighting an urge to look at Edér, Lillian stared Durance straight in the eye as she suppressed a flash of anger and guilt. As if she hadn’t had these thoughts countless times before, the reason she struggled with her attraction along with her budding madness. She hadn’t thought it was obvious enough for Durance to pick up, and this was not the way she would have liked Edér to find out… whatever it was she felt. 

She forced herself to slowly breathe in and out through her nose. It was a test, it was all a test with Durance. If she got angry, she lost. If she acknowledged it, she only gave him ammunition. The only way was to play ball. “How can your loins burn for a goddess that won’t even acknowledge you?”

His eyes goggled at her for a moment before he threw back his head and laughed. “As any can long for the favors of a slut.” He now focused his attention on Edér. “And you, farmer, how can you lust after the enemy, the physical representation of all your mistakes? Or is the fact she’s Eothasian enough to stoke your desire?”

Edér slowly set his drink on the counter and turned. “It was fifteen years ago, Durance,” he said slowly and quietly. “We can’t keep letting it define us for the rest of our lives.”

Durance slammed his staff into the ground. “Of course it defines us. We made history. Fifteen years later it has shaped the world, fifteen hundred years later the world will still be shaped by the Godhammer. For better or worse, we made this bed even if my whore refuses to lie in it. For better or worse,” he tapped his staff down almost absent mindedly, “we shall be immortal in the reams of history.” He spat again and stood up. “I take my leave of you and your blond cur, Watcher.”

“Don’t let your self-importance hit you on your way out,” Lillian muttered as he strode away. She picked up her glass before remembering it was empty and awkwardly set it back down. They sat in a tense silence.

“So,” said Edér eventually. “He’s not entirely wrong. Why do you put up with me, anyway?”

She forced herself to look at him, hoping he couldn’t read all of her emotions. “To be honest, when I first picked you up I was desperate for any kind of help. But you’re a good man, Edér.”

“I try to be.” He swirled the remains of his drink around in his glass. “And I have to hope intentions count for something.”

“I think they do.”

He looked up at her. “About the other things he said, about us, I–”

“You two still up?” Sagani appeared behind them.

Lillian wasn’t sure if she resented or appreciated Sagani’s timing. “Durance felt the need to have a heart-to-heart or sermon, depending on how you look at it.”

Sagani rolled her eyes. “Of course he did. Well, Itamuk’s clean and I’m headed up to bed. You guys coming?”

Lillian glanced back at Edér but she couldn’t read his expression. “Yeah. We’re all tired, it’s been a long day, and emotions are running high. We could all use some rest before we start having conversations we could further regret.”

Sagani looked at her suspiciously but just shrugged and started upstairs.

Pushing back from the bar, Lillian hesitated, her fingers trailing the edge of the bar counter as she wondered if there was anything else she should say, then followed her friend off to bed.

Edér stayed, nursing the remains of his drink, staring at the wall.


End file.
